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“Someday, somewhere – anywhere, unfailingly, you’ll find yourself, and that, and only that, can be the happiest or bitterest hour of your life.”   ~Pablo Neruda

I lost one of my jobs today. I have been struggling lately with a sense of loss-of-self; an identity crisis, if you will.  It has a large part to do with my jobs. Today I was told that my job had been eliminated. Due to “restructuring” I will no longer be employed. I knew this was coming- in one form or another, but I still couldn’t really be prepared.

In all honesty- this is really a good thing. I couldn’t abide my circumstances and I would not compromise for a lie. Better to find other employment than to endure and loathe every day.

Still, I feel that I am in mourning over what that job might have been. I have worked there- in higher education- for 4 years, and now I will have to leave everything that I’ve established behind. I was good at my job. It’s hard to give all of that up.

At the moment, I feel tired. I feel released of a burden, but uncertain of a  future. And for today, I’m trying not to think too hard. “Ye Think Too Much!” as a friend and I would say.

I’m excited at the prospect of rediscovering who I am and what possibilities lie in store for me. I am saddened at the way I was treated- that I gave so much and ultimately for aught.      I will be glad to walk away. It’s my responsibility no longer.

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