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I’m in that weird in-between stage again, where I can’t decide what to focus on. It’s not even a matter of deciding really, just figuring out wherein the inspiration lies. I’ve talked to friends before about how I think I have some kind of an internal compass that spins, changing the direction- or indicating  a change in direction in my passions, interests, inspiration, or mainly the focus therein. For example- sometimes I can’t get enough of good literature. All I want to do is read, collect books, go to libraries, think about literature, and look at pictures of books. Sometimes all I want to do is sleep, eat, breathe, write, read poetry. Sometimes it’s art- making it or finding it or going somewhere to look at it. Sometimes it’s a music kick. I think there have been others, but those are my main passions. They don’t change. I always love all of them, it’s just that the drive will focus on one at a time, sometimes. Sometimes it’s just a mixed jumble, like all my favorite things thrown into one big pile, hard to sort out, but fun to pour over.

So, in keeping, I feel like there’s been a shift, but I can’t figure out where the compass is pointing just yet. I haven’t been able to settle on a book to read since I finished my last one. I’ve started one or two and I have stacks of unread books- but I can’t just pick one. I need one that suits me for right now.

Maybe this sounds silly. Maybe it doesn’t make rational sense. But I don’t think I’m always a rational creature.

I have a lot of different interests and I know that I should be filling my time doing all those things and following all those pursuits that I can’t when I’m working-which must be done to pay bills and make ends meet (not that they meet so well…). Sometimes I find it hard to remember what I wanted to look at or do when I do have the time to spend. My brain is cluttered with all the refuse of the day, thoughts of work, and everything else coming into play in my life. Sometimes it’s hard to sort out those things that can give me refuge from the “daily grind” or whatever you might want to call it.

I started Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier. I want to read it. I’ve been waiting to, but my mood is leading me elsewhere. I’m fickle. Sometimes it’s amusing. Sometimes not.

I’ve also started Let the Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist. I really liked the movie and I found a used copy of the book at one of my favorite used bookshops- Cal’s.

I haven’t been able to settle on anything. :}  Hopefully, I’ll make some progress this week and start reading something in earnest. Until then, I have lots of distractions.

One form of distraction: film. 🙂
I have 3 movies waiting to be watched. Son of Rambow, which Katie loaned me; The Last Station, from Netflix; and Repo Men, which I rented with a small batch on Friday. Apparently it’s akin to the Goth/Musical Repo! The Genetic Opera.  Great movie. Bizarre, feverish, and highly dramatic. Not to mention morbid. 🙂 After all, how can you talk about repossession of organs and not be morbid. 😉

So, yes, lots of distractions.
I think that’s all I pour out of my brain tonight. It’s after 1 am and I do have work tomorrow morning. {:)

B

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