July has been a month of fighting for survival. A lot of my limits have been tested and I’ve been fighting for all I’m worth to maintain a little emotional well-being. This has been a summer of many margaritas and long talks about drama, both personal and among friends. This is not manufactured drama. This is the real, unavoidable stuff. And it’s messy.
I haven’t been blogging much, but I’ve been thinking a lot. I’ve been mourning the abuse I see perpetuated upon others and those I care about. I’ve been mourning the loss of something I’ve been working hard at with little reward for a long time. I’ve been reevaluating what it means to be me and how much I am willing to let people, even those in authority, tromp over me for the sake of their own machinations. It’s been a heavy summer.
I’ve talked over my circumstances with friends so many times that I’m tired of hearing myself speak. My heart has broken over so many lies, manipulations, denigrations, and injustices that sometimes I think I can’t stand it anymore. But I’ve learned how to keep moving through adversity. It’s just that my heart is heavy.
This isn’t the end. We’re not through the tunnel yet. And it seems I still have a lot to process through.